Let me explain why...
First
Bead Stencils are "of the debil" to quote Water Boy. Yeah, sure they enhance fine motor skills and can keep kids occupied for what seems like hours. However, let's look at the downside. What happens every time a stencil is complete? Someone bumps it, of course. When this happens there MUST be copious amounts of tears, yelling, blame, etc. What if you see who bumped it? Well you HAVE to retaliate and destroy their bead stencil too. This rule applies even if the person is only 3 years old and the fact that any of their beads are still on the stencil is amazing. When a 3 year old's project is ruined there will be even more tears, yelling, and blame than with a 7 year old. Amid all of the tears, yelling and blame the entire tub of bead stencils will be spilled on the kitchen floor for the 3rd time in as many days. Did I mention that bead stencils are "of the debil"?
Second
Your baby will try desperately to maim herself repeatedly on the same apparatus (yes, we watch a lot of Olympics). I saved her the first 2 times, but on the 3rd she got a picture taken...proof.
Third
Fending for oneself becomes mandatory. This is mostly because the baby is repeatedly trying to maim themselves and the 7 year old has been sent to their room until "your Dad gets home from work, so quit asking when you can come out!" Between rescuing babies and arguing with a 7 year old who thinks she is 15, I am totally distracted from the 3 year old's all to common behavior. He dumped some crackers onto the couch to have a snack. Of course the kids' table 2 feet away is not nearly as conducive to eating, therefore we should use the couch! Now I'll have to vacuum, again. Nothing new there. Does anyone with small kids ever actually put the vacuum away?
Fourth
Attention from Mom is limited because she is trying hard not to bite everyone's head off and make dinner at the same time. It seems painful to answer questions that would be down right cute at 3pm. "Mom is that chicken from a fish?" No, this is chicken from a chicken. "A real live chicken?" No, a dead one. Come on people!
This is when it becomes obvious that Mom just isn't in the mood to dish out attention, therefore, it requires creativity to get the desired amount of attention. How does my 3 year do that? Today it was by taking out the trash. How sweet, right? Wrong. It would have been sweet if he didn't drag the trash bag out of the trash can ripping one side half way down and then run through the house with me chasing him. He knew that I wanted to get the bag from him and he wouldn't have that. To prove his point of "if I can't have it, no one can" he promptly turned the bad upside down and dumped it on the floor, in the kitchen. The fact that it happened on the tile instead of the carpet would normally be a blessing, but since there are already bead stencils all over the tile it isn't. Why not? Because the 7 yr old cries buckets, literally, buckets of tears every time a single bead gets thrown away and now they are all intermixed with PBJ sandwich crusts and other things I can't even identify!
Fifth
Wrestling with your sister is never a good idea, but is an especially bad idea during the arsenic hour. 5 yr olds need attention too even if they are the non-assuming type. However the quest to make the day more exciting by starting a wrestling match with your sister who is still in time out is a BAD idea. Why? Because she cries really, REALLY loud and will get you in trouble EVERY time you kick her in the chest.
How does arsenic hour end? With everyone on their own beds and mom wishing, hoping, and praying to deliver her baby tonight so she can have four hours of peaceful labor in a hospital room. I'd take transition labor over another arsenic hour, seriously. Plus when labor is over someone else cleans up the mess, brings you warm blankets, something to eat and drink, and will answer every one of your needs just by you pressing a button. Oh, and did I mention that the new baby doesn't talk back and someone else will do everything but feed them! Doesn't that sound like heaven?
16 comments:
Ah Laura. Life at your house is just nonstop fun isn't it?
So that's why you love having kids so much - the 2 days of pampering in the hospital. Totally worth it! Speaking of olympics - tell your kids that you are a gold medal mother.
You definitely need a couple days to relax! AND i'm contemplating not having anymore children... ;)
Wow is all I can say. I'll definitely have a better attitude today when my own arsenic hour hits! What is it about those magical hours??
I hope you can boost yourself up for yet another arsenic hour this evening. Because, you KNOW it's coming. Hopefully, there will be a few less incidents for this hour. Oh, and I've heard that arsenic hour is the hour that while you're making dinner, you want to add arsenic to everyone else's food, because they are driving you CRAZY!! lol.
So that's why you have so many kids? For the quiet time?! HAHA You are too funny! Let me know if you need me to come rescue your kids, or we could swap :) I am still wanting to watch them for you so you can go out to lunch with Jared, so when will it be?
OMGosh Laura, that's hilarious! I mean, I totally understand. But I just have Aiden (see: Ian) and it's not quite that bad with one. Still - HILARIOUS! LOL!!!! But I HATE the 4:30 to 6:30 block of time until Brian gets home. He probably wonders why I can sound so sweet on the phone at 4:15 and be ready to give him an at-home vasectomy by 6:30.
Funny! I never put my vacuum away. Caleb gets all irritated about it. I read somewhere that around the time dad comes home from work is usually the most stressful part of the day for the majority of people. It's always hectic around here that time.
LOL, I swear that their personalities just become exaggerated by the hunger that seems to hit after lunch and before dinner. Lincoln will be bouncing off walls and Savannah seems to melt-down over everything, the babies wake up and want to eat then Shane walks in and it's the look of "why didn't you get anything done today...?!/!"
Oh Laura, I have had a few arsenic hours myself, but nothing like that. I hope that you have your baby soon so that you can have a few hours of peace and quite!!
I don't know how you still manage to look so put together with so many kids. I've gotta stop at 3. I'd be a complete mess if I had any more. You're awesome.
I call that the witching hour. When all hell brakes loose and there is nothing you can do about it. I am at my wits end and my kids are so high strung that it is amazing we all survive. It sounds like you and I have the exact same kids. by the time Jeron walks in the door I am DONE!
You won't get this 1950's wife who primps herself up and kids quite in the back ground. Just chaos and confusion. Sorry Jeron, that is all we have to offer during the witching hour.
I'm gonna have to start using that phrase - that's priceless. We call it the witching hour, too. I laughed so hard at this post. Seriously, especially the part about labor being a treat.
So THAT's why you're on numero cinco. JK! And why do you think Molly takes her naps/quiet time from 4-6pm? Yeah sure, I've got piano lessons, but it also helps make life a little more pleasant!
And what exactly was Amy trying to do, anyway?!
Heather linked to this post and i was so glad because i had the best laugh reading it. for some reason knowing that other kids dump food out in the living room, cry really really loudly, and ask non stop questions all during the time you are trying to make dinner is really funny. The same month you wrote this post i was 42 weeks pregnant with Arthur and all i wanted was to go into labor so i also could have some quiet time at the hospital, go to the bathroom by myself, eat a meal by myself, and have two whole nights watch tv and read books uniterupted. It was heaven!! in fact after today i am torn between having another so i can camp out at the hospital for a few days vacation, and making Cory get a Vasectamy!
Thanks for the laugh, its nice to know other peoples kids do those things too and i didnt just do something gravely wrong as a mother!
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